The terms are often used interchangeably but there is a distinction in practice. A recommendation letter is typically proactive and evaluative: the writer makes an argument for why the person is exceptional, often for a specific purpose (a graduate school application, a competitive fellowship). A reference letter is typically responsive and factual: it confirms dates of employment, role responsibilities, and character when requested. Recommendation letters require more evidence and argument; reference letters require accuracy and clarity.
Very specific. "Jordan is a strong communicator" is not useful. "Jordan presented our Q3 roadmap to the board with 48 hours of preparation and handled five challenging questions that I would have struggled with myself" is useful. Specific examples are more credible, more memorable, and more likely to be believed. Before writing, ask the person what they want you to emphasize and what they will be evaluated on. Then provide the evidence that speaks directly to those criteria.
For academic applications: one page, single-spaced, 400-600 words. For job references: half a page to one page. For fellowship or scholarship applications: one to two pages, 600-1,000 words, particularly if the letter is a primary evaluation criterion. Length signals investment: a 100-word letter reads as reluctant. A two-page letter for a first job application reads as unusual. Calibrate to the purpose and the importance of the recommendation to the outcome.
Decline. The most professional thing you can do is say "I don't think I am in the best position to give you the strongest possible letter for this purpose, but I am happy to suggest who might be." A tepid or qualified recommendation is often worse than no recommendation at all, because experienced readers know how to read between the lines. If you feel obliged to write one despite reservations, focus only on genuinely positive aspects and leave out the weaknesses; if you cannot do that honestly, you should not write it.
For university and graduate school applications, many programs prefer letters written within the past 12 months. For professional job applications, a letter from 1 to 2 years ago is generally acceptable if the relationship it describes is still relevant. A letter describing work from 5 or more years ago is significantly weaker unless the writer has maintained the relationship. Always check whether the institution or employer states a recency requirement. Source: common admissions practice.